A Strange Land

Berlimaute isn’t speaking to me.  That would be Berlimaute Remintgarnes, the Military Agent at the University of Caille in the Trossere System.  It would seem that my somewhat lackadaisical attitude has pissed him off.  Initially, he was just ticked, and had no qualms about letting me know it.  But now, he is thoroughly pissed and he isn’t speaking to me.  It quickly becomes apparently that the agents in Eve are notoriously thin skinned and are provoked by the least of perceived transgressions. One has merely to peek at the next mission and not accept it to be rapidly migrated to the shit list and from there, to oblivion.

Initially, I was concerned, worried.  Berlimaute is one of the career agents at the Universtiy of Caille.  He had things to teach me.  Important military things that I needed to know if I wasn’t to forever suffer beneath the boot of the innumerable aggressors out there in the wide EVE universe.  How could the creators be so cruel?  How was I supposed to learn how to play this game if the agents who purport to be teachers have the patience of a hyperactive toddler. It would appear I may be doomed to wander the world completely lacking in military skill because the “real” world (oh yeah, that) came calling for an extended period of time.

I am assured, by my associates in the corporation, that it doesn’t matter.  Apparently there are endless numbers of Agents and one could make a career of careening from one to the next, pissing them off and moving on.  I do wonder if anyone has tried.  Although, I suspect that some basic skills acquired early on might assist one in staying alive for the venture.  Nonetheless, the antipathy of the agents furthers my previously expressed opinion that the EVE Universe is not place for the occasional player. Hard core only need apply.

So, life goes on in EVE.  Not trusting that in one sitting I can complete the training offered by one of these Agents, or, more accurately, petty tyrants.  I have moved off to commence mining, and hopefully to make some money.  It has been suggested, that I can try another University and complete my skills training, but I hesitate.  Who’s to say that these agents don’t talk to each other and that Berlimaute hasn’t already smeared my reputation among agents near and far.

Back to the mines.

Here I am, lost in space yet again.  I hate the game EVE, sometimes quite passionately, yet here I am for the third try.  It seems that some games are designed purely for game aficionados, those “in the know”.  To me at least, EVE has always seemed to be that type of game, particularly the earlier versions.  A prime example of this was my very first foray into the game, as usual, at the behest of a friend who was all hot and bothered about this “new” game.  He wanted me to join him in the game and was impatiently waiting for my arrival as my antiquated computer attempted to grind its way through loading the game.

Well, basically if you don’t have the latest in a high tech graphics card you aren’t particularly welcome in online games.  This sentiment isn’t particularly broadcast, but they have to dumb down the game for you.  If you are going to be playing an on-line game, it is assumed you have a graphics card worthy of the endeavor.  Basically, if you have to ask, you don’t have one.  So, impatient friend waiting in the wings, after much cursing and swearing and miscommunication, EVE finally loads.  It has taken hours.

Now, games always load full screen.  I tend to think that this is just an expression of their underlying egotistical belief that they are all that matters in any world, but I am told the graphics card just runs better full screen without other windows with which to contend.  I still think it is over-weening egotism, but I’ll leave that for future rants.

So, EVE is finally up and running, I have no clue as to where I am, or what to do.  It doesn’t run like other world based games.  You have to remember where you are, try to figure out how to bookmark your location so you can find it again, and how to control the damned ship ship which wants go in circles.  Although they have improved recently, the original tutorials weren’t worth a damn.  So, there you are, after about five minutes, completely frustrated, cursing your friend for wasting your time and wanting to exit the game.

G: How do I get out?

T: What do you mean?

G: How do I get out? I want to leave!!

You see, there is no quit icon.  No little computer icon or interface icon that gets you to the settings page, or a way to exit the game.  There is NO WAY OUT!!

T: Hit escape.

G: What do you mean, there is no escape icon.

T: The one on your keyboard (it’s obvious)

G: #@#$% (It damned well isn’t obvious that the escape key on the keyboard is the way out.  Most programs only need that option if the program screws up.  Most programs have a quit icon and a system for shutting down)

So, I escaped.  How appropriate I thought, escape, success at last.  Then, despite the five hours it had taken to load EVE, I deleted that sucker in less than five seconds.

Better luck next time.  WoW here I come.